Bulldog Diaries: Rub-a-dub-dub

“Rub-a-dub-dub, One bulldog in a tub, And who do you think he be?”

I don’t do baths. I have a hard time understanding how one can enjoy sitting in a tub that is never long enough to stretch out comfortably, soaking in your own filth, essentially forced to either stare at your naked self in horrible lighting through distorting water or examine the caulk between the tiles on the wall. It’s not relaxing for me.

The “soaking in filth” is also one of the reasons why I have issue with large, public pools. Floating Band-Aids. Dirty, sweaty adults. Children peeing. Aren’t they just large, public bathtubs? But that’s a different subject for a different time.

Quinton shares the same feeling toward the bathtub as his mother. It’s strange coming from a pup that loves the sprinkler, the hose, and the plastic baby pool, but its true.

When P mentioned “bath night” the other day, Quinton actually stopped his continued destruction of his bed and just stared at us. We’ve given up on the bed. It now has a dual-purpose; bed and chew toy. A few hours passed before P began to gather the shampoo, brush and towels. Q didn’t notice and moved on to playing with his orange squeaker pig. But, the moment Quinton heard the bath water running, he dropped his toy, scurried over to his bed and firmly planted his rear.

The minutes passed while the tub filled. Quinton remained motionless on his bed.

Patrick: (from the bathroom) Ok, Quinton. Come. Now. Come.

Nothing. Nada. Crickets.

Patrick: (standing in front of Quinton) Come! Let’s go. Come!

Quinton didn’t even blink. I’m sure he was thinking if he didn’t move at all maybe we wouldn’t see him.

Patrick: Fine. We will do this the hard way.

Before Q could run away, P hoisted him in his arms fireman style, headed for the bathroom and plopped him in the tub.

Fireman carry

Bulldog was not happy and stood all dainty-like for several minutes, refusing to put his front left paw in the tub. While he wouldn’t stand on all fours in the tub, he did think it ok to start drinking the bathwater.

Bathwater

Cue my gagging. I had to leave the room. My aversion to baths includes bathing the bulldog. All that dirt and dog hair swirling about, Quinton drinking the dirty, hairy water, having to wash areas of a male dog I would rather avoid… too much?

Not to be completely useless, I do help out with the drying. It’s a two-person effort since Quinton retains water like a sponge and thinks the towel is a toy. Since taking this photo he has requested a manlier colored towel.

Towel

I hear parents (of real children) talking about the struggle that is bathtime. If it’s this much of a struggle with a dog, I can’t even imagine with a real, live human being. However, my expectation is that by the time our human children weigh 65 pounds, we won’t be carrying them to the tub and bathing them ourselves. I say this not knowing how old kids are when they weigh 65 pounds, so I could be wrong. Really hoping I’m not.

The second half of spa night for Quinton is a manicure. P and I are a little particular about Quinton’s nails and we prefer to do them ourselves. We use a Black and Decker RTX-BOZR Rotary Tool with the sanding attachement (or as I call it, the sanding tool thing) as it allows us to get a nice rounded shape and avoid putting painful pressure on the quick of his nail as we would if we used clippers. Yes, we are little high maintenance when it comes to this subject.

Bulldog nails

This, too, requires both of us to complete. P holds Quinton and yours truly plays manicurist. As you may have assumed by the fact that Patrick has to hold him, Quinton really doesn’t like this part of spa night, either.

Bulldog Pouting

The dog is crazy. He gets pampered and gets strawberry cream cheese after the whole “ordeal.” As I tell Quinton after every “torture” session, Mama could really go for a spa night herself right now – hair washed and dried, with a manicure and a yummy treat afterwards. Sign me up.

The silver lining about Bulldog Spa Night is after he is finishes running in circles trying to dry off, he wants to curl up on the couch with his head in your lap, exhausted from his failed resistance. It’s the best kind of bulldog cuddles; clean bulldog cuddles.

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